or the freelancers dilemma, or when did I become a hermit?
Recently, I met up with a internet friend for the first time. You have this idea of who a person is from knowing them online and it's refreshing to learn that they are human and much more complex than a 140 character limit will allow. It was nice.
Working from home has made me somewhat of a hermit, especially during winter. You can not make me go outside if it's crazy cold and ugly out. But, after lossing my father this past August, I really started to think about and appreciate just how much I need people in my life. You need their words, their cards, their texts, and calls. You need their hugs, and emails, their homemade food and to cry over coffee together, and to laugh with them or hold their hand.
In the past I've always wanted to be the girl who didn't need anyone. I was fine to stand alone. I went to Mexico by myself for three months and had a blast, moved across country for school with my laptop and some clothes, I've never kept in touch with an ex or been very good at keeping in touch in general. I think it's all a way of protecting myself from being hurt or disappointed. It's also a sure way of never letting people in.
Lately, I've been wanting to cultivate my relationships with my family and friends. Making new friends as an adult though is kind of tricky especially when you work from home. So, I'm hoping I'll keep stepping outside my comfort zone and making new friends and staying in better touch with my old friends. This is not a resolution. I'm not doing those this year, but it's kind of a non-resolution resolve to let myself expect more from people and to reach out more, because I think that we all need each other. I think people are kind and good and worth making the effort for. I think I'm worth making the effort for. Who knows, maybe we can laugh over coffee about blazers and being hermits, or some other silly things...
These turd-buglars are also part of the reason I'm a homebody. First three cats means I'm always cleaning and they're pretty cute cuddly clowns. Give them some catnip, and you've got comical cat t.v for awhile.
So tell me I'm not alone here. Do you put yourself out there and try to make new friends?
Recently, I met up with a internet friend for the first time. You have this idea of who a person is from knowing them online and it's refreshing to learn that they are human and much more complex than a 140 character limit will allow. It was nice.
Working from home has made me somewhat of a hermit, especially during winter. You can not make me go outside if it's crazy cold and ugly out. But, after lossing my father this past August, I really started to think about and appreciate just how much I need people in my life. You need their words, their cards, their texts, and calls. You need their hugs, and emails, their homemade food and to cry over coffee together, and to laugh with them or hold their hand.
In the past I've always wanted to be the girl who didn't need anyone. I was fine to stand alone. I went to Mexico by myself for three months and had a blast, moved across country for school with my laptop and some clothes, I've never kept in touch with an ex or been very good at keeping in touch in general. I think it's all a way of protecting myself from being hurt or disappointed. It's also a sure way of never letting people in.
Lately, I've been wanting to cultivate my relationships with my family and friends. Making new friends as an adult though is kind of tricky especially when you work from home. So, I'm hoping I'll keep stepping outside my comfort zone and making new friends and staying in better touch with my old friends. This is not a resolution. I'm not doing those this year, but it's kind of a non-resolution resolve to let myself expect more from people and to reach out more, because I think that we all need each other. I think people are kind and good and worth making the effort for. I think I'm worth making the effort for. Who knows, maybe we can laugh over coffee about blazers and being hermits, or some other silly things...
These turd-buglars are also part of the reason I'm a homebody. First three cats means I'm always cleaning and they're pretty cute cuddly clowns. Give them some catnip, and you've got comical cat t.v for awhile.
So tell me I'm not alone here. Do you put yourself out there and try to make new friends?
It's good to hear someone talking about a situation similar to mine. I just got out of a difficult long relationship and turn round to find I've lost many of my deeper friendships. It's quite a shocker to start again. I just remember what an old friend told me that there are many types of friendship, all equally important, which is why I say I have lost my deeper friendships because in this tough breakup I have no-one to turn to or lean on. But I know from previous experience, friendships ebb and flow, sometimes you have loads and sometimes you have none but with some work they come back again. To help me when I get down I have been making origami cranes for old friends I neglected and miss and post them to them or for new friends I've appreciated.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your journey, you will find what you're looking for, friendships are potentially everywhere and at every depth.
Thanks! It's true, as you get older your lives change and friendships change too. I've never had that splitting of the friends thing happen with a breakup. So strange. That sucks. Sorry, but hopefully they'll realize it's not so strange to remain in contact...
DeleteYour paper cranes reminded me of 1,000 tiny origami cranes I saw at the 9/11 museum: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/12/17/origami.gift/index.html
It's good to hear someone talking about a situation similar to mine. I just got out of a difficult long relationship and turn round to find I've lost many of my deeper friendships. It's quite a shocker to start again. I just remember what an old friend told me that there are many types of friendship, all equally important, which is why I say I have lost my deeper friendships because in this tough breakup I have no-one to turn to or lean on. But I know from previous experience, friendships ebb and flow, sometimes you have loads and sometimes you have none but with some work they come back again. To help me when I get down I have been making origami cranes for old friends I neglected and miss and post them to them or for new friends I've appreciated.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your journey, you will find what you're looking for, friendships are potentially everywhere and at every depth.
Yes, and it's hard, but worthwhile. When you meet someone you really click with as a friend, it's just as exciting as it was in kindergarten...
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to have that kind of connection with someone. Definitely worth the effort!
DeleteYou are definitely not alone! I go through periods where I make an effort to hang out with people more, but then I get busy and slip into hermit-ville again. Sigh, it's hard! I want to go on more inspirational field trips during the weekdays; Museum of Natural History, the Met, Chelsea Gallery hopping, Greenwood cemetery, etc. Let me know if ya wanna join me!
ReplyDeleteHermit-ville! Inspirational field trips sound so good. I need to take better advantage of living here in NY. I'd looove to do gallery hopping & the Met has a Matisse exhibition I have to see! Lets go!! http://www.metmuseum.org/exhibitions/listings/2012/Matisse
DeleteYou guys, this is so weird because I feel I've just maneuvered myself into the same spot over the course of a year. And then the more you begin to turn into your hermit personality the more difficult/awkward it becomes to reach out again. Must.Leave.The.House.
ReplyDeleteHa! Hi Simone! It's really hard not to when you work from home. "Must.Leave.The.House." - very true!!
DeleteThanks for putting yourself out there. I am very independent and a bit of a homebody. I belong to coffee klatch that I've never actually attended. I sometimes text them while they are having coffee together. Not being social is kind of what I'm known for. Yet somehow, I have lots of friends who accept me that way and get all excited when I actually *do* do something with them. But, even my very accepting friends will only tolerate so many no's before giving up. I plan to get out more this year by walking with friends instead of going for coffee! I'm hoping it's a win-win.
ReplyDeleteWalks with friends sounds really nice. A nice walk also makes me feel better in general- definitely a win-win!
DeleteThanks for sharing Jessica, makes me feel its not just me. So ringing true for me and working on that too...
ReplyDeleteThanks Claudia, nice to hear that other's feel similarly...
DeleteHello there!!! I just want to say that meeting you at Squam was wonderful and that I think about our day together embroidering often. I am sorry to hear about your dad. That is very rough. I also think a lot about making friends as an adult. I have found that my interests in things like embroidery have brought people like you and Rebecca into my life and that is a blessing. If you find yourself in california please let me know. my home is a haven for traveling artists. xxxoxxo
ReplyDeletev
So incredibly kind of you V. 2012 has been a really rough year. Thanks for the kindness & invitation. I may just take you up on it. I'm from CA, you know. Hope to see you at Squam this year!
DeleteYou know I love you for life.
ReplyDeleteYou know I love you for life.
ReplyDeletei know. love you too....
DeleteJessica, I can totally relate to this. I'm sorry to hear about your great loss, I hope your heart heals quickly. I moved to an area where the trees far outnumber the people, and well, I'm finding I relate to the trees more than the people! Trouble is the trees don't talk back much. The internet has made it possible to stay connected to likeminded people. In fact I believe you and I would fall under "internet friends" and I am grateful for that! I look forward to an in-person hang out soon. I have a spare room if you long for stars, trees, oxygen and good thrifting. xo Amy
ReplyDeleteJessica, I can totally relate to this. I'm sorry to hear about your great loss, I hope your heart heals quickly. I moved to an area where the trees far outnumber the people, and well, I'm finding I relate to the trees more than the people! Trouble is the trees don't talk back much. The internet has made it possible to stay connected to likeminded people. In fact I believe you and I would fall under "internet friends" and I am grateful for that! I look forward to an in-person hang out soon. I have a spare room if you long for stars, trees, oxygen and good thrifting. xo Amy
ReplyDeletethanks Amy,
Deletei'd really love to come visit you some day. i see your pics of your home & surrounding area and it looks beautiful. I long for something like that, but feel so tied to the city. Whenever you come to the city we should definitely meet up!
For a long time I also told myself I didn't mind being alone at all. And while it's true that I absolutely love spending time by myslef, I can't stand being alone for more than a few days. Being alone many days on a row also reminds me of some bad times some years ago where I had an awful and lonely year. Now I go to uni, work, meet friends, so ironically some time alone is a treasure! But it is true that I appreciate friendships more now and try to keep in touch as much as I can because I recognize how important it is and how good it feels to know that you are not alone. I've always been quite shy, and had many prejudices and expectations about people, but I feel like I'm getting rid of those more and more as time goes by. So everytime I get the chance to meet someone new I try to be completely open-minded because you never know who you're going to meet!
ReplyDeleteIt must help too, since you photograph people. sounds like you are doing so well with overcoming your shyness-very nice to hear...
DeleteThree years after moving to the west coast, and I still find myself completely shy when it comes to hanging out with new people one on one. For some reason I'm okay in groups, but then one on one I'm in kindergarten again looking at my shoes. I'm trying hard to get over that and open myself up to growing the kinds of friendships I still have back east.
ReplyDeleteI'm the opposite. Groups make me all nervous, but one on one is always easier to talk. You're gonna have a new little friend soon- I'm sure that will be the best friendship ever, ever...
DeleteI'm so sorry about your father.
ReplyDeleteIt really is hard, meeting new people, isn't it? But perhaps we simply forgot how awkward it was even in school (which, to me, seems like the easiest place to meet new friends), because after the awkwardness passed one had one's friends.
thank you kata.
Deleteit is hard now, since we're not in school & seeing the same people everyday. i wish it was like when we were kids and you just decided that you were friends & got on with life playing together....
let's keep writing letters! Sometimes pen friends turn into real life friends.
ReplyDeletere: loss, there are no words other than these: "forward motion"
thank you. i know! i owe you a letter. It's been a long time & i'm full of good excuses. gotta get back on the letter writing wagon...
DeleteTotally ok. Owe is a word too draped with obligation. The right time will come to write, and no excuse will be nesc. I'm sometimes very tardy on letterwriting responses as well. That's the magic of it...the special postal surprise! I just find that sometimes, it helps with the loneliness
DeleteI read Bluets by Maggie Nelson a few months ago. It's a meditation on colour, art history, love and love lost. The line I keep repeating to myself in it is "loneliness is solitude with a problem." The problem, though, is choice. I love thinking about that, esp in terms of letter writing.
I am the same. It has taken me a long time to realize that people are good, when I am able to expect the best from others and myself - not be filled with worry, fear or anticipation - than relationships seem to flourish. I think I made some poor decisions when I was younger about who I thought others wanted me to be, finally, in my young 30's I am able to be okay with me which in turn helps me want to cultivate those relationships. I'm glad you're finding ways to do this, too - life is wonderful when shared with others who care.
ReplyDeleteI've just started reading your blog in the past couple of months and know I haven't said anything yet but this post made me feel like I had to comment. You are not alone in these feelings at all. I have 3 Rabbits that keep me entertained at home and am married to boot, but still feel like I get wrapped up in my own little world and have to force myself to break out of the house, aside from just the daily grind at work. Even with a job outside of the house it is difficult and awkward to make real friends and not just acquaintances as an adult. I've found that writing letters (through the good old fashioned postal mail) and getting involved with my local Roller Derby team has helped but it's still so difficult to take that next step and invite someone to coffee or dinner or what have you. So, I'm glad that you put this out there for the whole world and look forward to continuing to read your blog. :)
ReplyDelete